Another Month Gone By

I remember when my kids used to go to NBC Basketball Camps, a week long filled with drills, games, instruction, fun and the dreaded intensity night. Intensity night was a way to learn that what you thought was your absolute physical limits really could be pushed to new limits and then again even farther. This is a good word picture of where I am in this adoption process. I have pushed to the limit, and pushed some more and now I am gasping for breath wondering how or where the next breath or step is going to come from. I just want to be done or told that you will be fininshed in 10 minutes but I am being told just keep pushing without any end in sight. All the while, others are finished and headed to the showers......

The preparations made in December to bring the boys home are still sitting in their room.....will the shoes still fit when I finally get to go? Will they even need the winter coats I bought them? They won't be seeing any of this years snow.......With winter gone Wes will be back to the long hours of farming ......lost is that down time to get to know his sons, lost is his opportunity to go with me to get them. Another stab at my heart which is already heavy with hurt.

I recieved word today that Pierre and Jeffley have chickenpox. This saddens me as I picture my beautiful boys suffering through a disease that they would not of had, had they been home. Will they get it bad.....will they itch, will they scar......I don't even get to know. My heart aches more.

No the boys won't be home in February, even with an extra day.

Lord , help my unbelief......heal my heart, draw me close to you.

Blessings,

Julie